


When One Wants To

by the_nerd_word



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 13:10:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_nerd_word/pseuds/the_nerd_word
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After accidentally stumbling upon two of his comrades having sex in the shower, Armin contemplates his own inexperience and decides he wants to be kissed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When One Wants To

**Author's Note:**

> A big thanks to Arminty-Fresh and PerfectlyArmin for helping me in my feeble efforts and tolerating my many all-caps messages. This is my first non-drabble Attack on Titan story, and trying to stay accurate to canon personalities was a challenge. Really happy to be finished though!

Dawn was flirting with the horizon when Armin opened his eyes. It had been a long night, physical exhaustion warring with anxious thoughts, and his mind had settled on some uncomfortable line between sleep and wakefulness. Now he lay staring at the ceiling, feeling helplessly groggy. A headache began to pulse at his temples, threading pain like a soft threat. Sighing quietly, he began to count away the seconds, trying to find rest in repetition, stillness in structure. 

Minutes passed. The shadows in the room slowly dissolved into his bunk mates, and Armin waited until a thin line of pink touched the window before he irritably threw his blankets aside. He decided, at the very least, he could get a head start on the day. Showering might offer some of the comfort that sleep had denied him. Besides, it had been months since he had taken a shower alone; modesty had been quickly abandoned after enlisting, but privacy still felt like a luxury he shouldn’t pass up. 

Armin grabbed his towel and a change of clothes, then quietly made his way out of the barracks and down the hall. The inside of the fort was dark and comfortably still, like time was waiting for daylight to spill past these walls. He found himself breathing deeper, enjoying the cool air on his nose and lips, the way the stone was rough and sturdy against the bottom of his feet. 

If he closed his eyes, felt his path by brief touches along the corners, he could almost imagine he was standing on a rocky outcrop outside the wall, grass swaying gently just past his toes, lines of forestry in the distance, dark and imposing and exciting like thickets of the unknown, sights clear and vague and just out of reach. Despite the fear of knowing what else waited in the outside world, despite the gnashing and snapping and clawing that permeated his knowledge of the past three years, he still longed to explore, to experience the pages of his grandfather’s book. Sometimes he wondered if it was silly, after everything he and Eren and Mikasa had been through, but still… It was an encouraging dream. 

Opening his eyes and seeing only the cold stone of the fortress brought a strange mix of disappointment and relief, but he tried not to focus on that.

When Armin entered the dressing room, one of the showers was already running. Steam hung thickly in the air, making his skin feel warm and clammy. He hesitated, wondering if it was one of the officers and if they’d be angry, but Armin was already there, and he told himself it’d be fine if he kept quiet and out of the way. Placing his towel on a hook, he wriggled out of his boxers and night shirt and folded them neatly in case it was Captain Levi. 

His feet were quiet on the tiles, and Armin rounded the partition separating the dressing room from the showers almost soundlessly. When he saw a tangle of gold and bronze limbs against the shower wall, he felt his mouth drop. 

Reiner’s muscled figure gleamed under the spray of hot water, his blonde hair slicked back and dripping. His arms flexed as he supported Bertholdt’s weight, hands firmly gripping and kneading the brunette’s hips. Bertholdt’s legs were wrapped around Reiner’s waist, and his back was pressed to the wall. 

They kissed affectionately, their lips soft and yielding, their mouths sharing gasps like air in an effort to keep quiet. Spots of color decorated each of their throats and shoulders, and five tender pink lines made matching trails down Reiner’s back. Steam hovered around their skin, clinging and swirling around their fingers and the little bruises they made.

Reiner curled his hips forward in a slow, deep thrust, and Bertholdt moaned and writhed and panted, eyes closing, toes curling, lips parting like he could taste bliss, caught up in a shudder that had him whispering little Ohs and Ahs; and Reiner, patiently, lovingly, sucked on the hollow of Bertholdt’s throat, keeping his pace purposeful, his touches thoughtful, taking pleasure in the way their bodies fit together each time they moved. 

Armin’s face burned with guilt and embarrassment, his bright eyes fixed on the way their thighs rolled into friction and tightness, and with a start he realized he was staring and _had_ been staring and _they were really enthusiastic_ and _Oh my God, stop staring_. 

Quickly averting his gaze, Armin turned and did his best to sprint away on his tiptoes. It was only bad luck that his sharp turn caused him to slip on the steam-slicked tiles, and he recognized his misfortune before he was truly down. He managed to swallow back a yelp but couldn’t help the loud, painful smack of his right knee against the floor.

Wincing, feeling humiliation and dread like weights in his stomach, he took a slow breath through his nose and peered over his shoulder; Reiner was still holding Bertholdt, but both young men were frozen in place with shocked expressions, their faces red and their eyes wide as they stared back at Armin. 

“Uh…” Reiner started.

Armin didn’t wait for anything to be added to that. “I’m sorry!” he piped, voice an octave higher than it should’ve been. With an extra dose of self-consciousness as he remembered he was naked, Armin mustered as much dignity as he could and walked – albeit very quickly – back to the changing room. 

As he got dressed, steam from the showers kept tickling his nostrils, and he tried not to think about the way Bertholdt’s and Reiner’s bodies had fit together so easily.

He tried not to think about a lot of things, actually. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t know how sex worked – his time in the refugee camps had cleared up the finer details on that subject – but he had never actually seen a couple so… emotionally involved. Witnessing his two comrades so affectionately absorbed in each other, seeing the way their hands ghosted over their skin and hearing their voices reduced to low, helpless moans, made Armin wonder if his perspective on the matter was a bit crude. 

Primal desires were natural, but he supposed circumstance often dictated thoughtfulness. And that, he realized, was something he didn’t mind contemplating. 

Most of the recruits were getting dressed by the time he made it back to the sleeping quarters. Eren stood in the middle of the room, trying to enforce some order on his bed-head as he firmly lectured Jean on his bad attitude; Jean, one foot booted, groggily told Eren to “shut his face” before politely thanking Marco for finding his other boot. 

It would have been a typical morning, Armin mused, if he didn’t keep thinking about the soft, secretive way Bertholdt had smiled as Reiner nipped and kissed his throat. And walking in on that had definitely not been a part of Armin’s normal morning routine, but he briefly wondered if it was part of theirs. 

“Hey Armin, where’ve you been?” Eren asked abruptly, green eyes already bright and curious at the early hour.

“Oh, good morning, Eren,” he answered, tugging at a corner of his uniform as if he had just picked it up. “I just stepped outside for a bit. Couldn’t sleep.”

Eren nodded in understanding. “Don’t let Shadis catch you.”

“That guy’s nuts,” Jean grumbled from his bed, and Armin gave both of them a wincing smile. 

“Yeah, thanks.” 

Each of the boys finished dressing and making their beds, and the whole process was intermittently lightened by a few jokes from Connie. Armin noted with an awkward glance that Bertholdt and Reiner had managed to slip inside without much comment. He supposed Reiner was enough of a big brother figure that nobody really questioned him, and Bertholdt didn’t converse much to begin with. Thankfully, they never looked his way, and Armin felt some small measure of relief at that. 

Morning inspection was completed as per usual, with only a few insults thrown toward the sloppier cadets. They were dismissed to breakfast shortly afterward, and lighthearted conversations followed small groups as the cadets left to eat. Eren, adjusting the collar of his shirt as others passed, bumped shoulders with Armin. 

“You’re awfully quiet this morning. You alright?”

Armin was quick to nod. “I’m good. Just a bit sleepy, I guess. I’m sure some hot food will help.” Which was true in its own way, and it wasn’t an uncommon excuse during these early mornings. 

Eren stretched one arm over his head and grunted. “We just have to hope Sasha doesn’t sack the whole kitchen.”

Armin smiled and was about to reply when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning, he glanced up to meet Reiner’s easygoing stare. “Oh, hi,” he greeted lamely, taking a small step back so he didn’t have to crane his neck. 

“Hey, you mind if I talk to you for a second?” Reiner asked, glancing between the two friends. 

Self-consciousness made Armin pause briefly, but he tried to sound friendly. “Sure.” He half-expected Bertholdt to be lingering nearby, but one quick glance revealed the tall cadet following the others to the dining hall. 

Eren looked curious, not to mention a bit protective, but he shrugged after it was clear the conversation was meant to be private. “Mikasa and I will save you a seat. See you in a bit.”

“Thanks,” Armin told him. 

Once the others were out of earshot, Reiner cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I’m sorry you saw all that. We didn’t think anyone would be in the showers that early.”

Armin felt himself blush despite his effort to sound casual. “It’s alright. Sorry that I, uh, interrupted.”

Reiner grinned, his broad shoulders rising in a shrug. “You surprised us more than anything. Never felt Bertholdt clench like that.”

Armin barely refrained from choking on air. He closed his eyes and finally shook his head, unable to keep from chuckling. “That’s… horrible, Reiner.” 

“Eh, well. Would you mind keeping quiet about the whole thing? Not that it’s a big deal, but you know how everyone likes to gossip, and Shadis’ fuse is already short with graduation next week.” 

“Sure. I understand.”

“Thanks, man.” Reiner clapped him on the shoulder, already content to move on, before rubbing his own stomach. “Good grief, I could eat a village. Let’s get some grub.”

“Sounds good,” Armin agreed, but he shifted his weight rather than moving. 

Reiner’s brows quirked at that. “You alright?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. I mean…” Armin rubbed the back of his neck before straightening. “I just- I’ve never even kissed anyone.”

“Oh?” Reiner asked amusedly. He crossed his arms and leaned back against one of the bunks. “Not anyone?”

“I’m only fifteen,” Armin defended quietly, a soft frown on his features. 

“Ah, yeah. I guess even Bertholdt and I are a bit young…” Reiner trailed off, but he gave a short laugh after a moment, at ease with the conversation. “Don’t worry about it, Armin. You shouldn’t feel pressured into doing anything.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

The look Reiner gave him was wolfishly interested. “So that means there’s someone you want to kiss? Is that it?”

Ignoring the impulse to deny anything of the sort, Armin sighed. “Um. Maybe.”

“Eren,” Reiner guessed smugly, his grin practically splitting his face. 

“I didn’t say-”

“Mikasa, then?”

Armin gave him a slightly exasperated look. “No. Look, I just wanted to ask- I mean, I wanted to know how one should kiss? If, you know, one wanted to.”

“’One’, huh?” Reiner asked. His expression softened, and his tone became kind and reassuring. “It’s a lot less logical than you’re trying to make it. There’s no master plan. You just, I don’t know, do what feels natural.”

Armin tried not to look skeptical. “But how do you even approach something like that if you have no idea what you’re doing?”

“Approach it? You sound like you’re trying to formulate a battle plan.” 

“I just don’t like being unprepared.”

His smile still soft, Reiner suddenly but gently cupped Armin’s jaw. “Here,” he murmured, leaning in slowly enough to give Armin time to step back; but the younger cadet felt his heart flutter with surprise and excitement, and he stood his ground as their lips met. 

It was sweet and chaste, a moment for closed eyes and easy little breaths, and Reiner encouraged Armin’s lips to move by leisurely pressing and sucking until it was exactly as it was meant to be, an effortless kiss from both sides. 

When Reiner leaned back, Armin felt himself drawn forward before he caught himself. “Oh,” he whispered, feeling pink tinge his cheeks again. “Okay. That’s good.”

Reiner laughed heartily. “I told you. Just go with it. And always keep in mind what the other person wants and feels.” As he said that, he looked over toward the door, and Armin realized with a small start that Bertholdt was standing there. 

Quickly taking a respectful step backward, Armin bowed his head apologetically. “I’m sorry, Bertholdt, I promise this isn’t-”

Reiner held up a hand to stop him, interrupting calmly with, “It’s fine.”

Armin shut his mouth with a quiet click and turned his surprise back and forth between the two; Bertholdt, though, only smiled, and Armin took the assurance for what it was.

“Let’s get breakfast,” Reiner suggested again, breaking the short silence. He threw one arm over Bertholdt’s shoulders and turned toward the dining hall with him, nodding for Armin to follow. 

They led the way, their shoulders so much taller and broader than Armin’s own, like they had stepped into such bigger lives even though they weren’t much older. Watching as they subtly stepped apart when they neared the cafeteria, as their affection dissolved into a soldier’s stance of professionalism, Armin wondered how much people hid behind their roles, how many relationships were masked by layers of duty or hardship or expectation. 

He thought of Eren, and he wondered if Reiner was right. Maybe he wanted to kiss him. Maybe one day he would. 

The idea made him smile.

**Author's Note:**

> lol bertl why do you never speak


End file.
